The best books for kids with big feelings

If you have a toddler, I’m sure that tantrums are a normal part of your life! This book is great for kids up to 3 years old, and helped my son calm down at that age. The words and illustrations are bright and bold, yet simple enough for little kids to relate to. It’s a short book and the simplicity makes it effective. My son saw himself as the little monkey! When I could sense a tantrum brewing, I’d take out the book and read it with him. For a time, he would ask me to read the book with him whenever he felt upset. 

I found this set of books (No!, Why?, Now!, and More!) at a book sale, and I can’t count the times my son asked me to read them with him when he was a toddler. These were so relatable when my son was 3 years old, because he was talking so much and asserting his independence! “No!” was his favorite word, so we could relate to the adorable scenes in the book. The pencil and watercolor cartoon sketches feel very British and add charm to the story.

“Count the spots from one to four. TAP, TAP, TAP, and TAP once more. Now fill your lungs with peaceful air, and coat your spots with love and care.”

I love the simple concept of how to calm down the anger spot. We tried the tapping technique and it helped us be more mindful of our body and breathing. It only worked for a short while for my son, but that’s how it goes! We just need to keep finding new techniques, because every child is different. Try to check if it will suit your child, because the Little Spot is a teacher who explains a lot of important concepts, and it may be hard to hold some kids’ attention if they are looking for a story.

You won’t normally find this in a list of books about feelings. It’s not about emotions, but it will give you all the feels! I had to include it because now that my son is older and can grasp the meaning of this book (he’s 6 years old), it has helped us avert some major meltdowns. When my son is acting up and I’m at my wit's end, I take deep breaths and whisper some lines from the book: “I love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.” The first time I did this, my son’s anger suddenly melted away. He stopped his tantrum, hugged me, and told me how much he loves me. I don’t want to overuse it, so I’m saving it for when all else fails!

Many of us tend to focus on the child— the child has tantrums, therefore the child has the problem. It‘s important for me to include this book on the list because adults play an unparalleled role in modeling emotional regulation for kids. We need to remind ourselves that how we respond can make the difference between resolving the situation OR making it worse. This book is an eye-opener and can help grown-ups relate to kids in better ways. It’s about connection before correction, because a dysregulated child (or adult, for that matter), cannot think straight and will not be able to act rationally. The teaching moments can come after we have calmed the storm, always coming from a place of love and understanding.